Today on this episode of “Interesting….this is not how I expected my twenties to be” I’m just going to list off all of my deepest insecurities and then we can all discuss and over analyze together. JK that would be awful and who would read that ever – I keep those conversations where they belong, deep in my brain only to come out about 6 seconds before I’m about to fall asleep.
Anyone else feeling like quite a lot of the humans around them seemingly have the whole thing figured out and are just climbing the ladder of success and you’re still out in the field blowing on dandelion fluffs hoping all your wishes come true? Because that’s pretty much where I feel like I am. That’s not to say I’ve had zero success in life, I’ve had plenty! I moved across the country starting a shiny new life, which I’m hella proud of. I have a crazy strong and bliss filled relationship that most recently was upgraded to marriage and my goodness to say I hit the jackpot would honestly be an understatement – but that’s also my HOPELESS romantic heart talking. I have a crazy awesome family who raised me to be the relentlessly sarcastic question asker I am today. The area I’m struggling with most is the whole career thing…
I keep thinking I’m going to have an epiphany where I all of a sudden out of thin air know exactly what career I’m supposed to have and the path I need to take to get there. And then I remember I don’t live in a romantic comedy and move on with my life which has been, as of late, a large experiment where I’m the primary subject. You see here’s the thing that has made the career track a little more difficult for me – I’m on the pursuit of passion. I want what I do to matter, to make a difference even if just to a few people, I want to love what I’m doing (whatever it is). I love the idea of working with people that believe they can change the world, people who are fierce on their journey even if it looks different than mine, people that want to question everything like me and don’t accept mediocrity. I don’t just want passion in me I want to drown in the passion of others and be in the presence of brilliant minds, people who are smarter than me and that challenge me to be better. I know – tall order (and not the “tall” at Starbucks which is clearly the smallest drink available – I mean I guess if we’re talking in Starbucks measurements this would in fact be classified as a Venti order). I have high standards both for myself and for where I spend my day – I know how valuable my time and life is and if I’m going to spend the majority of every day there I want it to be worth that! I mean doesn’t everyone though?
Please hold while I keep on truckin’ down the road to self-realization (that’s what someone deep would say right?)